Constitution and Bylaws for The Gamers' Club of the University of Chicago

(fnord.)

ARTICLE 0: DRAFT DOCUMENT.

  1. This document is still in draft form. As such, revisions have purposely been made comparatively uncomplicated. (See ARTICLE VIII: AMENDMENTS.)
  2. A revised and completed constitution ought to be completed by the end of the 1998-1999 academic year, and ratified by the membership of the society.
  3. Ratification.
    1. The Secret Masters (see ARTICLE IV: OFFICERS) must be in unanimous agreement as to the current form of the constitution.
    2. A majority of the voting members present at the time of ratification (which must be a Regular Meeting, see VII.1) must agree to the current form of the constitution.

ARTICLE I: NAME.

  1. The formal name of this organization is The Gamers' Club of the University of Chicago.
  2. Unofficial and casual names of the club will likely be many and varied, and include among them "The Gamers," "The Gaming Club," and "The Gaming Cult." This is by no means a full or complete list. In fact, as one of the stated goals of the club is eventual domination of the world, upon the achievement of this goal it could accurately be called anything, as it would control everything.
  3. Fnord.
    1. The official acronym and abbreviation of the club name is to be Fnord.
    2. Inquiries into the meaning of Fnord shall be answered by "You're not cleared for that."
    3. The One True Meaning of Fnord shall be known only to the Secret Masters and their Designated Henchmen (see IV.12).
    4. Should the One True Meaning of Fnord ever be disseminated to the Unwashed Masses (i.e., those who are not Secret Masters or their Designated Henchmen), the Secret Masters are to change the One True Meaning of Fnord. This then becomes the One True Meaning. (The previous meaning, while once One and True, would then be completely incorrect.)

ARTICLE II: PURPOSE.

  1. The immediate purpose of Fnord is to play games, and to promote the play of games at the University of Chicago.
  2. Said games may be of any shape, size, color, race, creed, gender, or persuasion. This specifically includes tabletop roleplaying games, live-action roleplaying games, freeform roleplaying games, wargames (using either hexes or miniatures), card games (collectible or not), traditional board games, untraditional board games, and flirting. Anything else deemed to qualify as a game is also included.
  3. The eventual goal of Fnord is complete world domination. Plans for said domination include NOT AVAILABLE AT YOUR CLEARANCE and CENSORED.

ARTICLE III: MEMBERSHIP.

  1. Cads, bounders, thieves, traitors, twits, and cheaters are not to be members of Fnord.
  2. In order to ensure compliance with the above, those wishing induction into Fnord (aka "Aspirants") must have at least one member willing to vouch for their character.
  3. The Inner Circle.
    1. The Inner Circle represents the voting membership of Fnord.
    2. A member of the Inner Circle must be a registered student.
    3. In order to be inducted into the Inner Circle, an Aspirant must have played at least one game at a meeting of Fnord, in which at least one member of Fnord took part.
    4. Any Aspirant who fulfils the above requirements is considered a member of the Inner Circle (induction rites are at the option of the current Inner Circle), and thus a member with full privileges.
    5. Membership may only be lost through the express dismissal of the Secret Masters, or by the loss of status as a registered student.
  4. The Outer Circle.
    1. The Outer Circle represents the nonvoting membership of Fnord.
    2. In order to be inducted into the Outer Circle, an Aspirant must have played at least one game at a meeting of Fnord, in which at least one member of Fnord took part.
    3. Honorary Membership.
      1. The previous requirement may be waived in the event of a generous monetary donation made by the Aspirant. Such donations may be made to the Treasury, or directly to the Secret Masters.
      2. Aspirants who gain membership through such a donation are given the title of Honorary Members. Should they later fulfil the requirements given in III.4B, they are known as Honored Members of the Outer Circle.
      3. Sexual favours do not classify as generous monetary donations.
    4. Any Aspirant who fulfils the above requirements is considered a member of the Outer Circle (induction rites are at the option of the current Outer Circle), and thus a member with all privileges save voting.
    5. Membership may only be lost through the express dismissal of the Secret Masters.
  5. Death does not classify as the express dismissal of the Secret Masters.

ARTICLE IV: OFFICERS.

  1. Officers shall together form the Secret Masters.
  2. There shall be no office without a purpose. The Secret Masters do not like to waste their time. (They're busy people. There's a world to conquer and all.)
  3. Roles of the Secret Masters include: President, Treasurer, Secretary, and Librarian. Under the provisions of IV.2, there shall be no Vice-President.
  4. NOT AVAILABLE AT YOUR CLEARANCE.
  5. The President
    1. The President must be a currently registered student.
    2. The office of Presidency may be known by many other titles, foremost among them Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life.
    3. The Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life is responsible for recruiting, executive decisions, overall vision and direction, managing the funds of Fnord in cooperation with the Treasurer, and representing Fnord to other agencies, be they foreign or domestic.
    4. Extraterrestrial agencies are specifically assigned to the Secretary. That way if they become annoyed they will eat him, rather than the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life.
    5. Should the Secretary not wish to assume the role of Extraterrestrial Liaison, it then reverts back to the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life.
  6. The Treasurer
    1. The Treasurer must be a currently registered student. He must also be possessed of a calculator, abacus, or wax tablet upon which to make calculations. General skill at mathematics is, while helpful, not required.
    2. The Treasurer is responsible for pestering the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life into applying for SG grants, overseeing said applications, and managing the funds of Fnord in cooperation with the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life.
    3. The Treasurer is Not Allowed to flee to Cancún while in possession of treasury funds.
    4. The Treasurer is specifically responsible for acquiring as many games and/or Secret Weapons for the Library as possible.
  7. The Secretary
    1. The Secretary must be a currently registered student. He must be literate.
    2. The Secretary is responsible for being literate, and for liaising with extraterrestrial agencies, under the provisions of IV.5D. Other tasks are at the discretion of the Secretary.
  8. The Librarian
    1. The Librarian must be a currently registered student. He must be possessed of the means to store and transport the contents of the Library, or be capable of arranging for such.
    2. The Librarian is responsible for the storage and transportation of the Library. He is to oversee acquisition of new materials and dispensation of current materials.
    3. As the Library contains all games and Secret Weapons belonging to Fnord, it is imperative that the Librarian not be a cad, bounder, thief, traitor, twit, or cheater.
    4. See ARTICLE VI: THE LIBRARY for further details on the responsibilities of the Librarian.
  9. Terms of Office and Dismissal
    1. All Secret Masters shall serve for one academic year, or until the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life deems them unfit for their duties.
    2. The Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life is deemed unfit only if he formally abdicates, or through a coup (see below).
    3. Coups
      1. The Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life may be deposed through the unanimous agreement by all voting members present that he is a cad, bounder, etc.
      2. The direct appointees of the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life (i.e., Secret Masters and his Designated Henchmen) are not allowed to vote in such a coup.
      3. This vote must be taken at a Regular Meeting of Fnord, which must be attended by at least ten voting members.
      4. Should the entire voting membership number fewer than ten, then a unanimous vote of all voting members is required for the dismissal of the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life.
  10. Selection of Secret Masters
    1. The Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life is chosen by the outgoing Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life.
    2. Should his choice be deemed unfit by a majority vote of the currently-present members of the Inner Circle, then the post shall be granted to the member which wins a majority vote of all members of the Inner Circle.
    3. Should a majority of the members of the Inner Circle present vote against the appointee, than the outgoing Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life may insist that all members who are not present be given a chance to vote.
    4. The Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life is responsible for the selection of all other Secret Masters.
    5. These selections must be ratified by a majority vote of all members of the Inner Circle present.
  11. Any one person may fulfil multiple roles as Secret Master, such as acting as both Secretary and Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life. The sole exception to this is that the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life and the Treasurer must be different individuals.
  12. Designated Henchmen
    1. Secret Masters may at any time appoint Designated Henchmen.
    2. The appointment of a Designated Henchman need not be announced, nor is the Secret Master required to tell anyone of the appointment, not even the Designated Henchman himself.
    3. Designated Henchmen may be of any sex. (Male, female, or other.) When referring to Designated Henchmen, the male gender is used exclusively; other genders are incorrect.
    4. Designated Henchmen need not be currently registered students of the University of Chicago. They need not even be members of Fnord (though the correct title for an uninitiated Designated Henchman is Unwitting Pawn, or Dupe).
    5. Unwitting Pawns are not privy to the One True Meaning (see I.3C).
    6. Responsibilities of Designated Henchmen include (but are not limited to): aiding and advising the Secret Masters in their duties, providing manpower for the plots of the Secret Masters, providing souls for soul-sucking Secret Weaponry, and acting as yes-men and lackeys.
    7. Secret Masters may request sexual favours of their Designated Henchmen; the Designated Henchmen are however in no way obligated to acquiesce to these requests.
    8. Designated Henchmen may only be removed from their posts by the appointing Secret Master or by the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life. If this should occur, the One True Meaning must be changed, as the former Designated Henchman has now rejoined the ranks of the Unwashed Masses.
    9. Failure to provide sexual favours is not grounds for dismissal.

ARTICLE V: THE TREASURY

  1. The Treasurer is responsible for creating and overseeing a Treasury, which is to be held with ORCSA. While individual Orcs are not to be trusted with Treasury funds, an organization of such creatures is an acceptable banker.
  2. Use of Funds
    1. The Treasurer and Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life are to jointly manage the dispensation of funds in the Treasury.
    2. These funds shall be spent solely on games, Secret Weapons, and food.
    3. Use of Treasury funds for the purchase of sexual favours is Not Allowed.
    4. Other purchases with Treasury funds may be made only with the agreement of all Secret Masters and at least three voting members.

ARTICLE VI: THE LIBRARY

  1. The Librarian is responsible for storage, maintenance, and transportation of a Library.
  2. The Librarian is also responsible for pestering the Treasurer and Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life into spending Treasury funds on games or Secret Weapons for the Library rather than on food.
  3. Library Access
    1. The Library is normally open to all members, voting or nonvoting.
    2. Library access can be denied in individual cases by the express decision of the Librarian and Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life.
    3. Grounds for being denied access to the Library include but are not limited to: Failure to return materials on time, failure to return materials in roughly the same shape as that in which they were checked out, mocking the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life and/or the Librarian, and having bad taste in clothing.
    4. Failure to provide sexual favours for the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life and/or the Librarian is not grounds for being denied access to the Library.
  4. Library materials are to be returned promptly, one week after they have been removed from the Library, or sooner in the case of highly desirable or time-sensitive materials (as decided by the Librarian).
  5. Overdue Library materials shall be subject to a fine. Fee schedules are to be set by the Librarian and Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life in concert, posted liberally, and made clear to anyone who wishes to take out Library materials.
  6. Time-sensitive Secret Weaponry (such as stock market information or the crucial element in that week's Plot for World Domination) is subject to doubled fines if overdue, unless the Librarian deems this is not necessary.
  7. Fines should be fairly minimal. They are to encourage prompt return of materials, rather than as a revenue-generating device. (Such devices fall under the category of Secret Weaponry.)
  8. Collection of fines is the responsibility of the Librarian.
  9. Any person with outstanding fines is not considered a member, nor may he hold office, until such a time as the fine is paid.
  10. Fines collected are to be added to the Treasury and earmarked for use on other Library materials, rather than on food. At the discretion of the Librarian and Treasurer acting in concert, they may be used to hire bodily-damage consultants, so as to encourage the prompt payment of other fines.

ARTICLE VII: MEETINGS

  1. Regular Meetings
    1. A Regular Meeting of Fnord is defined to be any regularly scheduled meeting, at the normal location, regardless of the number of members in attendance.
    2. Important matters such as coups, the appointment of Secret Masters, or amendments to this document may only be carried out at Regular Meetings.
    3. If such matters are to be carried out, an announcement must be made to that effect at least one week prior to the meeting.
  2. Special Meetings
    1. Any member may call a Special Meeting.
    2. Coups, amendments, etc. are not to be carried out at Special Meetings. Only Regular Meetings are appropriate for such matters. However, coups, etc. may of course be discussed or planned at a Special Meeting.
    3. The restriction on coups, amendments, etc. at Special Meetings may be waived if there have been no Regular Meetings for at least two weeks.
    4. Such a waiver may also be granted if a Regular Meeting turned into a Special Meeting for some reason (by moving down the hall, for instance).
    5. All Secret Masters must be present for coups, etc. to take place at a Special Meeting (under the provisions of VII.2C and VII.2D, above).
    6. The provisions for Special Meetings are included primarily to allow meetings to occur when, through the actions of rivals (such as occupation of the normal meeting-place), a Regular Meeting has been made impossible. However, Special Meetings are of course valid excuses for parties, gaming sessions outside the scope of the normal schedule, summoning sessions, and occasions to brainstorm plots to conquer the world.
  3. Secret Meetings
    1. Any Secret Master may call a Secret Meeting.
    2. Only Secret Masters, their Designated Henchmen, and persons specifically cleared by a Secret Master are allowed to know the locations or times of Secret Meetings.
    3. Should the time or location of a Secret Meeting be made known to the Unwashed Masses, the Secret Meeting immediately becomes an Informal Get-Together. All matters discussed become merely Hypothetical Ramblings, and are thus completely innocent.
    4. Decisions made and activities performed at Secret Meetings are not to be made known to the Unwashed Masses under any circumstances, save for individuals who must be expressly cleared by the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life for such knowledge.
    5. If the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life himself was not privy to the Secret Meeting, these exceptions may be granted by any Secret Master who was present.
    6. Should the matters discussed within a Secret Meeting become known to the Unwashed Masses, the meeting would be considered to have been an Informal Get-Together, as in VII.3C.

ARTICLE VIII: AMENDMENTS

  1. With ARTICLE 0 in mind, amendments to this document should not be overly difficult.
  2. Until such a time as a final draft has been ratified (as laid forth in ARTICLE 0), amendments may be made by the Benevolent-Tyrant-For-Life at any time. They must be agreed to by at least two other Secret Masters.
  3. Provisions for amendments after ratification of the final document have not yet been considered. They must be present before the final document is put up for ratification.

-- fish flowers.
last revised 25 August 1998.

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